A selection of H-bomb quotes from over the past year or so. Many of these you’ve probably seen before on Facebook or Twitter… but I couldn’t resist a round-up like this:

• “I can’t use the potty because my butt is not real!”
• “Bus is my safe word.”
• “Do you like my Ouroboros sander?”
• H. on the ice-maker: “It makes tears and sunshine.”
• “I work at the White House. Downtown.”
• “Pork chops are the lobster of steak.”
• upon seeing a Domino’s delivery car: “Pizza taxi!”
• talking about our car: “Can we paint it fire engine red?”
• R.: “If someone asks you where you learned to play doctor, you tell them ‘Columbia Medical School’.”
  H.: “Ha! That doesn’t mean anything!”
• ♬ If that diamond ring won’t shine ♬ Papa’s gonna buy you a dump truck bird! ♬
• H.: “Pee comes out of my penis. Poop comes out of my butt.”
  R.: “Yes, that’s true. And what comes out of your mouth?”
  H.: (pauses to think) “Snakes.”
• “I’m plowing the rug.”
• ♬ head – shoulders – knees & butt – knees & butt ♬
• H.: “What’s that?”
  R.: “It says Nature’s Path Organic Pumpkin Flax Plus Granola with Omega-3s.”
  H.: “No. It says Cheerio’s.”
• “I’m making truck soup.”
• H. (holding a calculator): “Fix it.”
  R.: “What’s wrong? What are you trying to do?”
  H.: “I’m trying to watch a video.”
• “It’s bed time if you fart.”
• “I’m a paradox in my own business.”
• H. (playing with his new toy cooktop): “Mommy, I’m cooking some vegetables!”
  A.: “What vegetables are you cooking?”
  H.: “Bacon!”
• “…and then Santa will come in through the water pipes!”
• H.: “Cute cute cute.”
  R.: “Who’s cute?”
  H.: “The babysitter.”
• “Grasshopper ass-whopper.”
• R.: “Do you want anything else?”
  H.: “I want Rice Che— I WANT ANYTHING ELSE!”
• R.: “Do you want to go home and nap?”
  H.: “No. I’m talking.” (image)
• after being presented with a bowl of ice cream: “Warm it up?”
• R.: “Papa farted—what do you say?”
  H.: “Thank you.”
• “I’m talking about whining.”
• upon seeing a hot rod: “Car wad!”