The more I think about this, the more frustrated I get…:  I think it’s messed up that daycare expenses are tax-deductible but that there do not appear to be analogous breaks for women that choose to stay home to care for their children.

I wouldn’t necessarily advocate that there be some kind of across-the-board tax-break just because she decided to stay home but looking at it closely, it seems to suggest a kind of penalty for mothers that choose to breastfeed.  Especially during those first few months, breastfeeding is practically a full time job.  Making daycare expenses tax-deductible without some equivalent or analog for breastfeeding mothers seems to stack the economic deck against this decision.

It occurs to me that this would be a tough thing to put in place.  How do you verify that someone is exclusively breastfeeding?  Do you take away the tax-break if someone slips in a bottle of formula once in a great while because of some emergency?  I suppose there is no easy answer but it also seems like we’re not trying hard enough as a culture ensure that parents aren’t penalized for what should be good, smart decisions in their child-rearing.

I’m so behind here…..

Congrats to Mark and Kelly, who had precious little Isaiah at the end of August!

And congrats to Luke and Becca, who had adorable little Madeleine over the weekend!

I feel bad that the last few posts were mostly about random crap that has little or nothing to do with H.  So here’s one for the little guy:

Last week, we started H on tri-vi-sol (basically liquid vitamins).  It is recommended that exclusively breastfed babies receive supplemental vitamin D.  The pedi suggested we start him on this as a newborn, but I didn’t see the need because he was getting plenty of sun exposure.  Now that it’s fall, I decided that supplements would be in order.  After 3 days, I stopped the supplements altogether.  They made him incredibly cranky and fussy.  It was tough to tell whether the fussiness was due to the vitamins or his teething (which is now in full gear), but as soon as I stopped the vitamins, he seemed to feel better.  Who knows whether the vitamins were the culprit, but I think we’ll skip the vitamins from now on.  The teething has been an interesting adventure.  It’s the one thing that seems to consistently bother the little guy.  He drools a lot and always has his hands in his mouth, pulling at his gums.  If I stick a finger in his mouth, he chomps done on it, HARD.  I’ve found that massaging his gums with my finger provides some relief.  The counterpressure seems to make him feel a bit better.  

H is becoming increasingly social.  Nursing him in public is difficult because he is so preoccupied with his surroundings…he will often get distracted by eavesdropping on other people’s conversations or otherwise staring at them with his mouth hanging open.  He’s too little for this sort of behavior to be impolite, luckily.  He is fascinated by his shadow.  He will stare at it for several minutes.  He is also intrigued by the fact that I can wave my hands around in the air and make my shadow move.  H routinely engages in some “call and response” by vibrating his lower lip (a noise that is a close cousin of the raspberry).  First he makes the noise, then I respond by also making the noise and so on.  He thinks we’re communicating—it’s our secret baby language.  H still can’t roll over, but is very close to being able to.  He LOVES jumping in his johnny jump-up.  It’s one of his favorite activities.  He will jump in that thing until he is totally exhausted.  When he is out of his jumper and I ask him if he wants to jump, he responds by vocalizing and bending his knees and trying to jump.  There’s no doubt that he knows what “jump” means.  He seems to know at least a few other words, which means I really need to start watching what the duck I am  saying.  He loves observing the kitty.  If the kitty gets close to him, he will get excited and start waving his arms around.  This sort of behavior practically guarantees that the kitty will flee the vicinity.  Sometimes I point to the kitty and ask, “Do you see the kitty?”  Instead of looking at the cat, H will stare at the tip of my finger.  The referential nature of this gesture is lost on him.  There have been a couple of instances recently where I was with H and I could hear the cat doing something naughty in the other room, like licking the remaining milk out of my cereal bowl.  I would yell at the cat over my shoulder and then return my attention to H, only to see his lower lip protruding and tears welling up in his eyes.  And then—the wailing.  I hadn’t thought that yelling at the cat would be upsetting to H, but I guess it’s not the norm for us to use raised voices in the house.  H is simply not used to me being aggravated and yelling—clearly, he hasn’t been around me long enough.  That said, yelling at the cat has never made me feel like such a jerk.  

We hit a major milestone last night (although I don’t expect it to be a lasting phenomenon):  H slept through the night!!!  He went to bed around 7:30PM.  He woke up at 9 to nurse.  He stayed down until 5AM, when he nursed again.  He went back to sleep after nursing and then woke up at 6:30.  That’s the longest stretch of sleep I have gotten in almost four months.  I felt unbelievably well-rested when I woke up this morning.  I know it was probably just a fluke and like most things with the little guy, is fleeting.  

Today I ordered H a Halloween costume…he will be a duck for the big day.  “Duck” has been his nickname since he was a newborn, as in “He’s a big fat duck,” “He’s a lazy duck,” “He’s a hungry duck,” “He’s a sleepy duck,” “He’s an unhappy duck.”  So, the decision to have him dress up like a duck for Halloween was uncontested in our household.  Even though it would be relatively easy to make him a duck costume, I don’t really have the time with all of my job stuff and manuscript writing that I have going on.  I managed to find a costume online that was under $20 including shipping.  Can’t beat that.  There were actually a lot of duck costumes out there, many of them intricate and extremely cute…..BUT most were expensive, could only be used for Halloween and not for any other occasion, and above all, they looked like they would be uncomfortable.  So, I opted for a simple pajama outfit that he could really wear anytime—and when we go to a Halloween party at the end of the month, he can easily fall asleep in his costume and feel comfortable.

OK, I lied…this isn’t ALL about H.  I have to add that my eye seems to be recovering well.  I had my final contact lens bandage removed last week.  My eye felt irritated for a couple of days afterwards, but is doing better now.  I have to use ointment in that eye every night for the next 3 months.  It’s going to take until mid-January to be completely healed.  In other exciting news, I am getting a HAIRCUT tomorrow.  The last haircut I got was right after H was born.  It was miserably hot, I was having night sweats, and I had H plastered to my chest day and night.  I went to the cheapest place I could find, and paid $15 for an adequate haircut.  I had my hair chopped off really short so I wouldn’t have to deal with it for months.  I didn’t even care what it looked like.  Now several months later, I very much care what it looks like.  I need a haircut that is going to make me feel cleaner and more polished, and I decided I was willing, for the very first time in my life, to make an appointment at a fancy salon.  I don’t indulge in things like this ever, but I decided that I really just wanted to give it a try.  Plus, I need a kick ass haircut for that job interview!

I had my phone interview today.  I scheduled it for 8AM so that our neighbors wouldn’t be up, making it difficult to concentrate or hear.  Good thing, because it’s now almost 10:00, and they are at it already.  The interview itself went very well.  I had my questions answered to my satisfaction and then some—it felt “right.”  I thought the hiring manager was very honest and straightforward, and above all, personable.  The next step is to have a phone interview with their colleagues on the West Coast.  Ironically, the person conducting the next phone interview is someone I know from my lab tech days 8 years ago.  He and I also had several exchanges at an annual conference because he was doing his graduate work on the biochemistry of the molecule that I studied as part of my dissertation.  Small world.  The hiring manager was really excited that I already knew this individual….I asked her whether it would be a conflict of interest for me to already know him and have him be the next interviewer, and she replied, “Heck no!  I see it as an advantage because you will be working closely with him!”  Wow.  After the next phone interview, I will give a seminar that will be videoconferenced to the West Coast.  Yikes.  That part makes me nervous, but I suppose I have some time to prepare and practice a good talk.  I’m really excited about what I’ve learned about the job, and I can see myself really enjoying it and feeling challenged.  

The other side to all of this is that I’m now confronting the reality that I will have to be away from Holden all day long once I go back to work.  I feel really really sad about it, and conflicted, even though I know that the only choice for me to continue my career is to jump back into it as quickly as possible.  I feel rusty already, and it’s only been a few months.  I love Holden with all my heart, so I am trying to savor the days I have with him because I don’t know how much longer I’ll be out of a job and able to spend all my time with him.  The feeling of sadness and dread that I feel about being away from him is not something I was able to anticipate whatsoever before he was born.  This is the only thing that is tempering my excitement about this job.

Now to get coffee and wind down from the interview…

I have a phone interview, only one week after I submitted my job application.  I am so nervous I could just throw up.  I feel so out of the loop—I’m feeling the need to review what I know so I can speak articulately and with competence about my abilities.  OMG, OMG, OMG.