I feel sort of silly admitting this, because it’s summer vacation and all, but I am starting to feel totally overwhelmed.  The summer was supposed to be my special time with H, and instead, I’ve managed to turn it into a stressful time where I am trying to do renovations to the house, develop my course for the fall, start my business, and make sure all of the loose ends are tied up with my current job when I officially hand over my keys on June 30th.  And did I mention I have no daycare?  Yikes.

I know this is all my fault–I greatly overestimate what I am capable of accomplishing during a set unit of time, and I greatly underestimate the amount of energy and patience that I have to accomplish those tasks.   I can’t do it all.  I can’t.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  R and I had a good talk about this tonight—he reminded me that my real job right now is to be with H.  He reminded me of how much I missed H when I was at work, and I should use this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to truly be with H.  He’s absolutely right.  The business can wait a few months until H starts preschool in the fall a couple days a week.  The course prep for the fall CAN’T really wait, but if I make that a priority over the next couple of weeks, I can get the whole thing done if I work on it at night after H goes to bed.  The house projects—well, let’s just say I might be a little too ambitious about those.  We’ve been in our house 2 years, and it still needs a ton of work.  A lot of the work is stuff that I can do, and I wasn’t able to do much of it our first year in the house because I was so sick with sinus and ear infections that year.  This year has been better, so I am making up for lost time.  Currently, I’m in the process of painting all of the dark 1970s wood trim and wood doors that adorn our house.  That is a HUGE task.  The doors take a minimum of 3 coats/side.  That’s 6 days per door x 9 doors.  That’s 54 days of painting.  No way in hell it will get done this summer, but if I can at least get half of it done, that will be 4 doors that we won’t have to do next year.  I know it seems like “Well, it’s just dark wood trim, just let it go for another year….” This is true, I could just let it go another year, but OMG, that disgusting trim drives me crazy.  It has to go.  It just might have to go over a 2-year period:)

The other big project  is our garden—which thankfully, is done! (pictures to come).  We finished it up this weekend, thanks to no rain for 2 consecutive days.  Tending the garden is not a stressor for me, but getting the sod removed, the fence up, etc, was a total stressor.  So at least that is over with.  Sigh:)

Oh, and we’re potty-training.  Not religiously, but we’re kind of attempting it.  It’s actually going really well.  If I prompt H first thing in the morning, he’ll sit on the potty and go!  If he has to poop, we’ll ask him to sit on the potty, and he’ll go. He’s just not always diligent about letting us know that he has to go.  He’ll figure it out.  And if he doesn’t, so what.

So yeah—I just had to chronicle all the stuff that’s going on right now.  It’s a lot, and I need to recognize that, and let some of it go.  I need to be OK with it not all getting done.  I really just need to get over myself.