Just lifting it is probably enough to do you in. I’ll get it down off the shelf for you if you’d like…

ALSO: BEST BOOK EVER.

No, I think I can get it off the shelf—as you suggested, lifting it could get the contractions going. Now—flipping back and forth between two bookmarks—that could break my water! It is indeed a hefty volume.

I haven’t read it yet, and I was like…

“Is there something in the subject matter that is contraction stimulating? Is it indeed infinite jest and it causes so much laughter that you break your water?”